When I travel, I always spend a lot of time thinking about life. I think about where I am and want to be and plan how to get there. I'm the dreamy type- the one who stares at the sunset and channels all that beautiful energy into daydreams about how I can make my life more beautiful; how I can make a difference; the legacy I want to leave; all that stuff. I began to get very upset that I was spending so much of my life building a career in an industry that wasn’t part of my story. I’m lucky that I’m the person who knows exactly where I want to be and exactly what I want to do. But, is it not crazy to know that and not violently pursue that? I have huge plans; so huge that they often scare me. I was building a great career but I wasn’t in control of my life.
I’ve always been the person who talks about how important it is to be happy, to follow your heart and to follow your dreams. Somehow, I had ended up the person who was following a great dream but one that wasn’t actually mine. It was so hard for me to tell anyone I felt this way. My parents were incredibly proud of me and so were all their friends. I finally gathered the courage to tell my mum that I needed to leave this job and follow my heart. Surprisingly, she didn’t freak out. But that was because she didn’t actually believe me- she didn’t think that I was actually prepared to leave it all behind. We had made an agreement when I made the difficult decision to follow this path instead of my original plan; that I wasn’t going to look back at what could have been. But, I wasn't looking back at what could have been. I was looking at the future and new possibilities that I never contemplated.
When she realised that I was serious, she was not having it. And for the first time in my life, I was rebellious. I sent my mum a hurtful text saying that I had made up my mind and was going to make this change with or without her support. Little did I know that my mum was going to end up believing in me even more than I believed in myself.Fast forward to finally leaving. I had a plan. A plan and a back up plan and another plan to back up that plan. When it comes to my life, my career and my goals, I am not spontaneous. I think it all through and I'm not a rockstar. But, it turns out that getting into what I wanted to do was not going to be as easy as I thought. I began to doubt myself seriously. I didn’t regret leaving my job- I didn’t hate life every Sunday night and I was finally chasing my dreams. But, I realized that I had completely underestimated the challenge ahead. Through it all, my support system has continued to convince me that I made the right decision and that I will be successful in what I want to do.Towards the end of December, I received that e-mail. It looked like I had finally gotten my big break and I was ecstatic. As these things happen, that ship sailed, and I wasn't on it. I haven't been so upset in a very long time. I was ready to start 2015 talking about the massive risk I took and how it all fell into place once I made that leap.This post was meant to be telling you guys how I gave it all up; a prestigious career, a better salary and a stable lifestyle, to follow my dreams. About how it paid off. About how I'm finally where I want to be, where I should be. That is not the case.And you know what? I would do it all over again. 2014 was the year that changed everything. My mum and I have this thing where when something doesn't go our way, we say 'oh well, that's another chapter in the story'. I'm not one of those really fortunate people who everything seems to fall in place for- very few of the most successful people are. I have a story- a story of hard work, victory, failure, more failure and that will ultimately end up in more victory than I could have ever imagined. If I was ever to write an autobiography, it's these risks and these moments of failure that would make it interesting. The most exciting thing is that I can just come back to this blog where I have documented the journey, and put it all into my book.2015 is going to be the year that makes all the change worth it. I already wake up with a different energy- the type that means that I won't stop until I'm exactly where I want to be.
And that's what was missing when I wasn't living life on my own terms.
I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love you showed to my blog in 2014- it was a great year for the blog and definitely the year where I've seen the most growth so far. If I never had this blog, I would never have made the change. It is through this blog that I have realized what I want to do in life and it is through you that this blog even matters.
My loves, in 2015, 'I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again'.
And I hope that you're able to add a few great chapters to your story.
Photos by Marianne, Ohi and Me
I was wearing:
Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram | Tumblr | Youtube
Follow me on twitter, you'll get the quickest responses to your questions!